Kuvira's hallucination
by Sjannie
Summary: Kuvira sits in her cell, suddenly the Great uniter appears.


My first time writing a story, I do not own legend of Korra what a surprise. Um... my English isn't that great so if there are mistakes tell me. So enjoy.

I am sitting in my cage cell, I mean cell. My arms around my knees. I look like a ball. I feel little and embarrassed. The great uniter is gone. My supporters are gone. My army is for a big part gone and a part in prison. They are probably pissed that I surrendered. I tried to get information on them, what would happen to them ,but in vain. I thought that maybe if I get all the blame on me they will be freed. That's the best idea I could come up with. No success yet. I am surrounded by walls of platinum. No bed, only food and water when the guards are in a good mood. I have had no visits, only the guards. But they do not talk nor do they come in. My cage is a cage in the darkness. I only have a very small window which I can't reach. Little light reaches my face. My mental condition is going backwards. My physical condition is even worse off. Sometimes I feel like I'm going mad. When I try to think of something else I wander off to my memories and my heart hurts. I have nightmares when I sleep and feel so alone and miserable that I can't even describe it. I have also days that I hallucinate. The great Uniter appears before me and asks me questions, have I really sunk so low that I feel so lonely that I need my own mind to create something to keep me company? Today she appears again. Her hair in a bun, standing straight, her emotionless face staring at me. Her eyes piercing through mine into my heart and soul. She opens her mouth, a confident voice asks me questions. First I answered with a soft voice but in the end I answered with my normal voice.

Great uniter: ''Where is the toilet? ''

Me: ''A hole in the corner of my cell.''

Great uniter: ''Do I ever get out ? ''

Me: ''No. ''

Great uniter : ''Do I feel regret?''

Me: ''About what? Be specific.''

Great uniter: ''Do I feel regret about ... what I did to _everyone_?''

Me: Who is this everyone? The people of my nation? Suyin and her family? The world leaders? Citizen of republic city? The avatar and her friends? Bandits? Murderers?' I asked her loudly.

She looks right into my eyes. I look away.

Great uniter:'' Are you mad?.''

Me: ''Yes.''

_This time she said you and not I. _

Great uniter: ''At who?''

Me:'' I don't know. At myself for doing things, for the making of some decisions. At others for not understanding why I did it. For saying that it is all my fault and that I should rot away. It isn't only my fault. If they surrendered nothing would have happened! The world leaders.. they.. they should have guided me when it went wrong, someone should have just helped me and not like my army did or Bataar did but I also needed someone to guide me. I didn't know what would happen when I left Zaofu. I didn't know what I had to do when I went to Ba sin se. I had to come up with a plan to stabilize it, to unite the kingdom. I had to make decisions, hard decisions. Why?! Cause no one else did! I had to bring balance. No one else would!''

I started talking calmly but in the end I started screaming and waving with my arms.

Great Uniter: ''Have you gotten your trial?''

She still has her straight face. I let my arms rest again on my knees and answer her with a harsh tone in my voice.

Me:'' I won't get one and even if I got one I already know my punishment there is only one possibility. The only question is how. And how has tree possibilities. ''

Great uniter: ''What will happen then?''

I feel annoyed

Me:'' Dead .''

_By Execution or live long imprisonment and then killed by guards, bad living conditions or... or herself. She could take her own life._

Great uniter: 'How?'

_They could keep all the sharp stuff away from her, they could bound her so that she couldn't move. But one thing they couldn't take away from her. Air. She could stop with breathing. It would be hard but in the end she would die of suffocation. It would be the last way out. And the easy one. She knew she had to be punished she deserved it. But, sitting in this cage for I don't know how long and probably her whole life. __Sometimes she thinks she deserved better. __Or she wishes that was true. Sometimes she thinks she's right, other times she hates herself. There are times she doesn't eat anything and pities herself but then says to herself that her pride can't allow that and she eats again._

Great uniter: ''Why did you leave Zaofu?''

Me:*sign*

Me:'' I wanted to save the people of my nation. They needed someone to guide them. Suyin, no one did something. The world leaders not , someone had to do something. Someone had to save them! But no one took control and stopped the chaos. The avatar was gone, the queen dead. No sign of the red lotus are someone else who could do it. So I did it. I didn't want to abandon my country-my nation! If no one wanted to, I would take care of them. I would help them, I would save them. I would not abandon them!''

_Why do I have to answer her, she is an hallucination. She i__s__.. was me._

Great uniter: ''What about the people in de re-education camps?''

Me:(..)

Great uniter: ''Well? Did you not want to save them? Were they not part of your nation?''

Me:*swallow*'' I..I. At first I did but then when time flew by I thought about it and I don't know why or when but I didn't see them as people of my nation, the nation I tried to protect. At first I did but they didn't want my help, they wanted my nation to rot so I had to take them out so I could heal my nation.

Great uniter: ''Did they say they wanted it to rot?''

Me: ''No... but they didn't want my help and they didn't had a plan to heal it either.''

Great uniter: ''Why did you shot Bataar?''

Me: (...)

Great uniter: ''Why?''

Me: ''Because... if I did that... everyone who could stand against me would be no more.''

Great uniter: ''They would have died.''

_She said calmly but after that the next line she screamed and her face didn't look neutral anymore but angry._

Great uniter: '' Bataar would have died to''

Me: ''Would have. Well they haven't. I am really sorry and really feel regret about it. But I just couldn't see any other way. But they haven't died. If you're going to say would have or if then I will say it to. If Suyin united the kingdom I wouldn't have to do it. If they stopped Zaheer this wouldn't have happened. If the avatar never let the harmonic convergence happen Zaheer would have never escaped!''

_But she can't think like that, because she is a monster, she deserves worse then dead. The woman standing before me looked calm again._

Great uniter: ''Do you regret leaving Zaofu?''

Me: ''No, I wanted to help people I don't regret it.''

_Even if people say I didn't help anyone. Somewhere I think I did. I just went wrong_ _somewhere and now I have to pay for it. _

Great uniter: ''Did you brainwash Bataar?''

Me: ''I thought I didn't but everyone accused me of it so I am not sure anymore. ''

Great uniter: ''Did you love him?''

Me: ''Yes''

Great uniter: ''Do you hate the avatar?''

Me:(...)

Great uniter: ''Do you?''

Me: ''Yes and no. I know I shouldn't because she spared my live but... but... because she wasn't there, I know she was sick but it was her job to keep balance and because she was gone I had to do it and became out of control.''

Great uniter: ''Do you hate the world leaders?''

Me: (..)

Great uniter: ''They should look in the mirror right Kuvira?''

Me: ?

Me:(..)

Me: ''Yes...''

Great uniter: ''It isn't all your fault. They should have guided you. There are fools for letting a young woman take control alone without help and guidance. You didn't know how to lead, you had to learn it the hard way. They didn't to a thing. And now things got out of control and all what they do is pointing their fingers towards you. Suyin is just the same. She didn't want to take action but wanted to hide in zoafo only caring about her happy family. That happy family was not happy at all, they didn't understand Bataar, you did. They are fools for not seeing, or trying to see thinks like us. An you were never part of it. She is liar right?''

Me: ''Are you saying this to... make me feel happy? I can't justify my actions even if I think that is right and even if I wanted to. Because somewhere in my head I think it isn't my fault and other times I think it is. ''

Great uniter: ''Do you hate Suyin.''

Me: ''I was really grateful for her taking me in but she didn't' view me as a daughter and her saying that I was, that I destroyed her family while it wasn't true and she tried to kill me. It is not hate but anger and sadness. ''

Great uniter: ''Do you think it is fair?''

Me: ''What''

Great uniter: ''That you are here.''

Me: "Do I think it is fair..., yes I did horrible think I-I

Great uniter: ''But the rest of your life...''

Me: ''I-I don't want to sit here I want to be free . I don't think its fair it isn't all my fault. But I am a monster so what can I say? And maybe I do deserve this I _**killed**_ people.''

_But on the other hand, life has never be fair for me sind my birth so maybe it was destined to be like this._

Great uniter: ''How many?''

Me:'' I don't know? ''

Great uniter: ''Then how do you know you killed people?''

Me: 'because the guards when I first came said to me that I am a murderer.''

Great uniter: ''Do you feel lonely?''

Me: ''You can't imagine''

Great uniter: ''I can, I'm you.''

Me: '' I'm you?''

Great uniter: ''You are me.''

Me: ''Have I gone insane?''

Great uniter: ''You will never be alone.''

Me: ''Can't you see that I'm alone right know?''

Great uniter: ''But I'm here right?''

Me: ''You're my hallucination, cause I'm going insane.

Great uniter: ''No,... I am your mask, I am jour uniform I am your shield. You put me on and no one knows how you really feel, I conceal all your feelings , I am your shield so that no one can hurt you ever again. But I failed you got hurt again.''

Me: ''What do you mean?''

Great uniter: ''I rose from your desire to not be weak and start a new when you were at the age of nine/ten to protect you from the world. But that desire was already their by the age of four.''

Me:(..)

Great uniter: ''You're not alone , because I am here.''

Me: ''You don't exist, only in my head.''

Great uniter: ''That means I exist in your head and that I exist.''

Me: ''No matter what people say you are no monster and as longs as you need me i will protect you. I will be your mask again and your shield. ''

The great uniter is moving closer.

Great uniter: ''Even if you're in prison you have your pride and together we can fight. No one will hurt you again. You can just stay here in your cage safe. If anyone comes in , use me and I will help you. You're not alone. Accept that were the same.''

Me: ''You're just in my head, you're what I want to hear.''

The great uniter moves closer and touches my cheek.

Great uniter:''But maybe I am the truth, does it matter?''

She hugs me.

A tear rains down on my face: ''No... not anymore.''

Me: I just don't want to be left alone. Don't leave.''

Great uniter: ''I never will, I won't betray you. I will be with you forever no matter what you do or decide.''

Me: ''What are you?''

Great uniter: ''Kuvira, what do you want?

Me: ''Want I want? I want the love of a parent that can never be destroyed no matter what I do, who always hugs me and loves me for who I am and not what I am or what I have or what I'm capable of or what I give. I want my parents to love me and to not be alone. That is what I want. I want to be a strong person to never get hurt again. I may not show any weakness, weakness leads to failure, what leads to abandonment, I do not want to be alone... why don't you love me, mom dad? Neither could Suyin, the avatar only pitied me and Bataar, I don't know if it was love. I have never known, maybe it was admiration or because I understood him or because I gave him a chance to spread his wings. Because we had been together for a long time? I want someone to never leave me and to forever love me and hold me and to keep de darkness, the loneliness at bay and the monster deep inside me with chains called love.''

Great uniter: ''I am the thing that you want en need the most.''


End file.
